What are we made of?

Obama just gave his State of the Union address. It focused mainly on creating jobs for the millions of U.S. citizens who are still unemployed. I just read an article written by David Gergen where he is discussing the address and also the importance of it. The article is entitled, "Can the U.S. Still compete?" Obama's approval rating has plummeted in the past few months and many politicians are waiting to see the affect that his State of the Union has on his nation.
In Gergen's article he discusses how America is losing it's power in the global market. He arranges a list of a few things that the United States could do in order to get back on track and not lose it's place as a world super power. The main focus of his new strategies would be focusing on our education. As a nation we are falling far behind the new rising super powers, such as China. Looking at it from the perspective of a student, I realize the truth in his words. Having attended the public school system for only 3 years I can't say I am an expert on it, but I can definitely attest to the fact that the standards that an "average" pupil are expected to reach is exceedingly low. A student can merely scrape by and somehow still manage to get into college. Education here is a byproduct of our daily lives, in many newly developing countries, education is life.
One of the reasons that I feel education is such an important part of life in other countries is their circumstances. For instance, in China, communism is slowly beginning to loosen, and although this way of governing is still largely in power, it has been opening its doors to ideas that had previously been frowned upon. In countries like these, education is the only way to get ahead. What I mean when I say this is that these students can't depend on the wealth of their parents or their family name to proceed in life. They have to fight for it, and education is the only way they know how. They also understand the monumental shift that has taken place in the world.
Americans have gotten lazy. Yes, in the 20th century we were the super power, but we can't rely on the hard work and patriotism of our ancestors. During WWII and the years after, our sense of nationalism could be felt "from the mountains, to the valleys," but now where is it? We live in an economically struggling country who is trying to ride on the coattails of the successes of the generations that proceeded them.
It's time to pick up our slack, and this is what Gergen discusses. If we want to be able to compete in the changing, fast paced global market, we need to be an intelligent, united country! We need to become informed citizens who take an interest in the affairs of our nations, rather than passive individuals who sit on their asses and only get involved when we have something to complain about.
At the end of Gergen's article he poses the question, "do we still have the right stuff?" In other words, he is asking if we are still made up of the strong willed, passionate Americans that thronged our country years ago.
This brings me to something that we discussed in Philosophy today, ontology, or the "theory of being." The idea is that even though substances are altered over time, the elements remain. We are made of the same atoms and fibers as our ancestors. We have the same general compostion as them, but do we have the same drive? The same passion for our country that has driven us for hundreds of years to become the nation we are today? Or have we become lazy?
I personally believe that we do still have the necessary material to compete with the rest of the world, we just need to discover it! We need to inspire our students and younger generations and show them that this is a country worth fighting for! Help them to become aware of the benefits of freedom and the enormous number of blessings they receive just from being born in this country!
I don't know how we can go about this personally, but we can look to Gergen for help. Encourage our learners. Encourage knowledge and understanding and encourage a new hope in our country. We are made of the same fire and heart as the men who founded this fabulous country and I feel that we need to rise to this occasion! Don't just accept the fact that we are losing our place in the global market, fight for it back! Fight for something you believe in! Remember what this country was founded on and fight for that! Freedom and dreams and family and the idea that every man deserves a chance. Well, young students of today, here's your chance. Take the state of our nation into your own hands and fight for something bigger than yourself and be reminded that we are all a part of something that is bigger than any of us. We are all made of the same elements and we all deserve the opportunity to make this country a better place.

Back to Bloom...

So we moved into our house on Saturday and it is really adorable! I love it, a lot! It is so cozy and it just fits us! I really like it!
Last night Joanna and I got smoked up by this kid, Kyle Matthew. He just came over and rolled us a blunt and chilled. Haha. It's funny how some things come about.
So I've been here since Saturday and I last saw Adam on Friday. I really don't know if I can do this semester or not. Already I feel so frustrated with everything between us and today I was thinking, I know that I love him and I always say if our love is enough, then we can make it through, but what if I just can't do it? I know I love him and everything but what if I just can't do it? I already decided that if I'm not happy I'm just gonna end it. He said that he thought that we had something special and that if we ever did break up there would be a good chance that we could get back together sometime and maybe that is what we should be doing now.
We both said that we would make more of an effort this semester, but so far I definitely don't see it. I talked to him for like a couple text messages the past couple days and I called him on Saturday night to say goodnight and talked to him for probably less than two minutes. He was supposed to call me last night when he got off work but I went to bed at like 11 and he was at Nate's smoking so he didn't call me and then was like, oh I wish I would have called you right after work so I could atleast talk to you for a little bit. Well there's a novel idea, dipshit! Grr... Idk about this this time...

Roll on Arte

"But to you I'm fine, and I'm in your mind even if I'm not around. And my arms are strong and that's where you belong, given the love that we've found." -Roll On Arte, Felice Brothers
Christmas break has gone by so quickly. There are so many times I look around and wonder where has the time gone? Tomorrow I am moving into my very first house and I have no idea where the time has gone! I am already done a semester of college and about to start the second.
"Roll on Arte, roll on. Your hearts too good for this town."
I still haven't spent any time with Maddi or Amanda. I really miss Amanda. I always enjoy spending time with her when we get a chance to.
I spent a lot of time with Natalie over this break and I enjoyed every second of that.
I'm about to not see Adam for about two weeks and I wonder how much I'm going to miss him. =/
The other night I told him I was freaking out about us. I'm so worried about going back to school this time. The first time I went I didn't know what I was getting into, but now I know the tensions and the pressure it is going to put on Adam and I and I hate it. I don't want to walk into troubles again. I can't even tell you how perfect things have been for us lately. It's felt like I've been in a movie. It's the most amazing feeling in the world to be in love. To know that I care about him as much as I do and being able to tell him and completely be myself around him is just so amazing. Sometimes I think about how different of a place the world would be if everyone felt the way I feel everyday. I can't even describe how I feel about him really. If anything happened to us I don't know what I would do. Anyway, I got sidetracked. Back to the conversation we had. So after I told him all this he told me that I can't be afraid of breaking up and that he would do everything he could to make this semester better for us. I really hope it will be okay. He also told me that he thinks we have something special and he said that even if something does happen to us, it doesn't mean we are over forever. It was a really, really good conversation. It made me feel a lot better about our relationship and how things are going. No matter what happens, I know at the end of the day he loves me and I am crazy about him.
I wish that money grew on trees. I can't even tell you how much money troubles me. My finances are going to be so tight this semester! And I really hate it. I would love to be able to spend a lot of money when people come up and treat them stuff, but I never can! I just keep telling myself that when I'm done school I'll be making good money, so I just have to be broke for about 6 years. I can handle that.
No matter what comes at me in life I really do believe I can face it.
I want a tapestry for over my bed. Call me a hippie. I don't care.

As an afterthought...

After I just read my last post I scrolled down and saw my "Time" entry, and I had to chuckle. Basically the quote below that picture sums up all my questions. I know that life is crazy sometimes and sometimes I do wonder about Adam and I, but, "for those who love time is eternity." No time with Adam is time wasted. I'm learning more about myself everyday and relationships and I can't look at it as time wasted if it ends. And so what if I spend a year with him, I have so much more heart to give and so much more love to share that it doesn't even matter. I just need to keep my head up and keep truckin'. Even if things don't work out with Adam, "every little thing, is gonna be alright." If it does work out with him, fabulous, but I can't keep focusing on the negative and "if it doesn't." I need to know that right now I love him and this is what I want, so I need to live in the moment.
I feel like I don't get to talk to him very often, which is fine. I just need to appreciate it when I do get to hear his voice and I need to appreciate it when I do get to hold his hand and hug him. It's all worth it, because I have an eternity.

Time

"Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity."
Henry Van Dyke

Dear Adam

Hey,
So last night I think we had the most serious talk of our relationship ever, and I have never felt so confused about anything in my whole entire life. I thought that talking about things was supposed to clear things up, not make it worse.
I first of all want to say that how you've dealth with everything since I've come to school is absolutely perfect. I never could have made this work for this long with anyone else.
Long distance relationships honestly are so hard. I know it's not easy for you and it definitely isn't easy for me either, but the bottom line for me is that I know being with you is what I want. We've talked before about how neither of us like feeling vulnerable and I think that puts us in a really bad situtation.
I feel like sometimes I act like I don't care about you as much as I really do because I'm afraid of two things. First of all, I'm afraid to put myself out there like that because I know how easily you could just break me and I feel like if I just keep some of my feelings to myself I protect myself. The other thing that I think about is scaring you away. If I tell you exactly how I feel and you misinterpret it or don't feel the same way then where does that leave us?
Sometimes I think about how easy it would be if I just never allowed myself to feel this much for you. I would never have to worry about ever getting hurt or feeling distant or anything. For me though, the people that mean a lot to me in life mean everything to me and relationships and friendships and laughs with friends is what makes it all worth it, so I know it's all worth it with you.
Last night though when you saidf you were doubting long distance relationships, I kinda freaked out. I know I doubt it sometimes too and I hoenstly think it's normal. Of course we're gonna doubt it sometimes. We're barely ever together and we're both pretty independent people who do our own things and when we're so far away it really can be difficult to feel together and close. I think though if I take a step back from it all, I realize it all comes down to if our love is enough.
Honestly I think being at school has made me love you so much more, because I meet so many other guys that just don't even compare to you. So for me, our love is enough. I know it may not always and everyday isn't going to be perfect, but I still want it.
When I'm with you Adam, I seriously feel like the rest of the world doesn't even matter. When I don't see you for a couple weeks and then I feel your arms around me and I smell you and it feels right. You fit.
Last night after our conversation I was wondering if maybe we should break up so that you can make your decisions about school and what you want, but I don't feel like that is a legitimate decision at all. I want you to be happy though, and if you'd be happier without me then I don't want to hold you back from anything.
About you coming to Bloom, I almost feel like I'm encouraging you not to come here because I don't want you to "follow" me, but if the major here is what you want then I think you could be really happy here.
I don't know what I want from you really, or if I want anything from you. I just really want you to know that I still want this and I don't feel like our time is over. I just know that right now I want you.

Torn

For so long I have felt so torn in so many ways. Everyone always compliments me on how well rounded I am, but sometimes it really fucking sucks. I have so many sides of me and opinions that sometimes I get so lost amongst it all. I don't know who I am. I don't know who I want to be. It changes so much from day to day. Somedays I am so driven to succeed in school and other times all I want to do is drop out and travel and be like Dan. Is it normal? To feel so ambivalent about things?
A boy I graduated from High School with died in a car accident on Friday night. Makes you think. Life is short. So, so short. Why shouldn't I spend the time here doing things that I really want to? Martin was a great, great kid. He complimented my outfit everyday last year and always left me smiling. He was always positive and had something funny to say about life and cheer people up. What if I am focusing on things that don't even matter? If I'm making a difference in people's lives and discovering things about myself and contributing to society then what more can I ask?
I guess it all comes back to asking yourself what you want from life. I don't know what I want. I want a nice front porch and a husband that loves me. I want freedom though too. I want wind in my hair and sand beneath my feet. I want freedom from everything. Money, my life, my friends. I just want the opportunity to live life for me for a little while.
At the end of the day when I look at what is around me I always wonder how much of this is here because I actually wanted it. So many of the things I have I could care less if they were all thrown out my window right now. What I really want from life is memories and laughs and friendships. I know that's what matters. I can have that here. I really do believe I can make myself happy here, but so far I keep trying and it just isn't working yet. I just still feel so lost.
I feel like it's so easy for me to make "friends" but so hard for me to make friends. Everyone always comes to me with all their problems and questions about life but I don't have anything figured out, so why the hell would they ask me? And if they think I have it all together then who am I trying to fool? Why can't I be honest with myself and say I don't know what I want? Why is that so scary for me?
I think because then I look around and see all these people who come to me feeling lost and I wonder if maybe it is better to pretend I know what I want then to be lost in this world. When you're lost, you lose focus. And then you fuck up. I really don't want to fuck up. I have so much pressure riding on me.
I feel like my parents want me to succeed so badly. What if I don't make it? What if I can't make their dreams come true for me? I know if I ever told them this they would be so sad. They wouldn't ever want me to do anything that wasn't what I wanted, but if I don't know what I want, then why can't I just use their dreams for me? I just know Speech Pathology is secure, and couldn't we all use a little security in our lives? I want to know my family will be secure if I ever have one. I want to know my job is secure and my future is secure. I think that is why I could never commit myself fully to a world of wandering and soul searching because I need security and a back bone.
See, this is why I love blogging. Now I know I can't do what Dan does. I need stability and structure in my life. I need to feel like I'm working for something and going somewhere or else I will just feel like I'm seriously wasting time.
Even when I look at my friends though it reminds me of how lost I am, because they are all so seriously different. Joanna is such a pot head and I love her, and Cailee and all my speech friends are just the nicest, happiest girls. I want to be as simple and driven as them, but I'm not. I just have so much more.
Saturday I had my first experience with LSD.
"That's one reason LSD still fascinates us (and still attracts willing new test subjects) today. Because it promises -- in a single, paradigm-busting session inside a user's own head -- a journey filled with awe and mystery to people whose lives have been bleached white with conformism and consumerism and every other kind of -ism, except self-determinism and love."
http://www.doitnow.org/pages/115.html
Let me start from the beginning. We took it in the car shortly before we reached Bloomsburg. The plan was to start tripping mildly and then get to Ricketts Glen and start to really trip there. As soon as I took it knew I started to feel differently, but I thought it was just me getting paranoid about feeling differently, so I couldn't tell. We got to Bloom within about twenty minutes of taking it and by the time I was in my dorm I knew I was starting to feel it. My skin felt weird. Different. Oddly receptive to touch. I called my friend Joanna who was supposed to be coming with us, but she wasn't ready so we had to wait. It was Adam, and Cole, and I just chilling in my room. They were both laughing and smiling so much and I was too. My jaws honestly hurt a little bit because I just could not stop smiling and laughing with them. I just felt so alive and like the world around me was such a great place to be.
Ricketts Glen is about forty five minutes away from Bloomsburg, so it was kind of a long car ride. The whole time though I was just chilling really. Cole and I were in the back seat but I was feeling seriously cramped. The car ride there was starting to make me feel so unsure about the whole thing. Had I made the right decision to trip? Would I regret this? My legs felt so restless I just couldn't stand it. I wanted to get out and run not just sit in the car. I remember looking out the front window and thinking I was really starting to feel physically ill. My stomach felt nauseus and I didn't know how much more I could take of this car ride. Everyone else seemed to be doing so fine though. I didn't know how to handle it. I kept on thinking about Martin's death and wondering if how he felt before he died. Wondering what was going through his head. I started freaking out about having a bad trip. I had many conversations in my head calming myself down on that car ride.
The scary thing about acid is once you take it, you can't just let get it out of your system. Weed, you can go to sleep. Alcohol, you can throw up. Acid, you're stuck with it. It's in your central nervous system for up to twelve hours so if you're gonna get fucked, you're gonna get fucked for a long time. I kinda told myself this and realized I wanted this to be a good experience so I tried to focus on good things.
By the time we arrived at Ricketts Glen I was starting to feel very, very strange. We set out on our journey not knowing exactly where we were going at all. Joanna took a hit finally, to join the club. The first thing I really noticed was how my body felt though. I felt extremely cold, even in the beginning. I definitely didn't feel it in my mind for a long time. As we were walking we came upon a nice spot next to the stream and we stopped for awhile. The acid made me strangely paranoid.
Whenever Adam would talk to Joanna I felt extremely jealous and irritable. I was wondering if I was doing something wrong and why he wasn't talking or enjoying his trip with me. The first place we stopped I got my camera out and took some pictures. It was a beautiful place, and it would have been even if I wasn't tripping. Some of my pictures were turning out really strangely. They were turning out like lime, lime green and the leaves were transparent in the pictures. It was so strange and I first I honestly couldn't tell if it was me tripping or just my camera. Joanna confirmed that the pictures were indeed turning out like that. At this point, everything was starting to look really cool. Cole and Adam were both smoking cigs and Black and Milds and the smoke billowing just looked incredible. I lit myself up a Black and Mild and just was obsessed with watching the smoke pool around my hair and sweatshirt hood. I felt like every time I blew out it just should have been smoke. My mind was fascinated with the idea of the shapes it formed and how it billowed around me.
At this point Adam and Joanna were starting to talk more and I remember feeling extremely agitated so I took my camera and myself to another perch. I was enjoying snapping pictures of the moving water and the small waves and splashes that were taking place around me. I felt particularly aware of my body and how I was sitting and how my limbs felt curled around me. I was still cold. Just undeniably, incurably cold. As I was sitting a little ways away from the group, Cole ventured over. I still had my camera out and I had him pose for a while on some rocks. He was still smoking a black and mild and I took picture after picture of him laughing and blowing out smoke. I couldn't stop staring at how the smoke was taken up into the sky. It looked so beautiful with the sun streaming through it.
Shortly after this we continued our journey up the trail. On our way, we passed some people. Passing people was the oddest part of our trip. I didn't want to look at them. For some reason though, I felt like everyone was tripping and we were all a part of a big experiment or test. I felt like it was the most reasonable thing for all of us to be tripping on a day like today. The next place we went was when I really started to trip. We were sitting on a big boulder right next to the water and the water just moved in one continuous sheet. Even as it rolled over rocks and crashed on boulders it just kept moving and flowing relentlessly down the river. I couldn't understand how it was all so perfectly connected. Things stood out to me like never before. I noticed patterns in the trees around us. There was a group of trees on the bank across from us that were all bending the same way in a row. I kept on looking at them and wondering what had convinced them to bend. I also kept thinking how badly I wanted to plunge in the water. I still wasn't completely giving into the tripping because I knew it was the acid thinking that, and not me.
Cole and Adam both took two hits of acid and at this point they were seeing crazy visuals. They were both lying on the rocks while Joanna and I chatted away idly. The strangest thing was happening though, Joanna kept talking to me but she was just using her lips and we were having whole conversations until Cole or Adam would look over and realize she wasn't saying words and ask, "what the fuck is she doing?" and then it was like the spell was broken and I couldn't understand her anymore. our connection had been broken by their interruption. We were so fascinated with everything though.
It was while we were on those boulders that I really started to want to be with someone. I had this relentless desire to connect with someone. Adam had been sitting against this tree by himself so I went over and sat next to him and held his hand, but I was so restless. My hand muscles kept contracting and expanding like I needed to grip onto something. I would clutch my pants strangely and grab the rocks and trees around me. I kept rubbing my hand against itself just to give myself the sensation I desired. I did not have the connection with Adam that I was looking for at all. He was in a totally different state than I was and we were not connecting at all. I wanted to be held and touch his body and talk, but he was completely involved in his visuals. The group started suggesting another move, but I didn't know if I could handle it. I felt like my body was so oddly proportioned and hard to control. Sometime during this sit I had put on Adam's huge sweatshirt to try and keep myself warm, but it didn't help.
As our journey continued it got harder and harder to hike. I kept on getting distracted by things and I hated passing people. Cole and Adam were hiking so far ahead of us and I just felt so lost. Like I needed to be babysat. No matter how drunk I have ever been or how high I have ever been, I always felt like I could take care of myself, but I could not handle this. I needed someone to hold my hand. I wanted Adam so badly, but he was so absorbed in Cole and his own trip he really didn't notice me. Not that I hold it against him, but it was seriously depressing me at the time.
This one tree joanna and I walked under was like an entryway. As soon as I walked under it I remember stopping and saying, "Woah." I turned around and Joanna had just stepped into the same archway. I asked her if she had felt it and she had. We had just entered something else. It wasn't Ricketts Glen. That archway took us someplace else. Far, far away from Bloomsburg and everything I had ever known. We both agreed that we weren't where we had started. After this, the trip really began.
My crazy, wild thoughts began to flow as continuously as the river. With no real connection between them, just flow. I just kept thinking about the world around me. I wondered about if I had ever even entered the woods before and how I was on this journey. I kept stopping and touching and feeling and looking. I had never felt so alive. There was this connection I felt to something so much bigger than myself. I still wanted Adam so badly though. I wanted to be next to him and talk to him. I couldn't vocalize any of my thoughts though. No one else seemed to have that problem. Cole and Adam couldn't stop laughing and Joanna would not stop talking. She was like a little chatter box! It was so weird though because our thoughts were on two completely different levels. I was thinking deep thoughts about my purpose in life and she was thinking more shallow thoughts about how she felt at the moment. It was so weird because I was sooo in touch with my senses, but also so in touch with my brain. I just kept wondering about life and so many things. When we got to the first legitimate waterfall Cole kept signaling to me to get in the picture but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I remember nodding like I was going to get in the picture, but I just didn't want to, so I Didn't. I stayed put. I didn't want pictures I wanted to figure out what was going on in my head. I still wanted Adam. I just wanted it to be the two of us.I wanted to talk to him and help him explain what was happening to me. Why couldn't I speak?
Whenever we passed people I felt like they were all in on our little secret. I thought they had to know, but I didn't want them to know so I kept my head down and my eyes averted. I felt like I was stumbling, but I was walking fine.
One thing that stands out at me is how quiet the whole experience seemed. Even when people were talking or our music was playing, I felt deaf. My senses were so heightened, but I really couldn't hear or speak for the longest time. I just felt this energy pulsing through me and this continuous flowing of ideas.
The only person I wanted to connect with was Adam. Cole kept freaking me out because all he kept on asking me was how I liked tripping and I didn't' know what to say. I wasn't thinking about the trip itself, I was thinking about crazy existential ideas that I had never experienced before. And Joanna just kept on talking the most ridiculous nonsense that I felt like I was babysitting.
By the time we started venturing back my mind was whirling with ideas. Cole and Adam were still hiking so far ahead of us and leaving me in the back with Joanna. I wanted to be by myself in the forest. If I couldn't be with Adam then I didn't want to be with anyone and I just wanted to think about the nature and this world that I am such a small part of.
The strangest part of the trip happened at the end though. I still couldn't talk and I finally got a minute to be by myself when Cole and Adam were distracted by Joanna. I was walking along in the forest and I literally couldn't hear anything. I felt like a part of the forest. I was there and it was just me and the trees and the leaves and the sun and the trail. I felt like I was breathing with it. A living, breathing part of the forest. That connection that I had been wanting to have with Adam I think I had it with the woods instead, as strange as that seems. I felt like nothing could take me out of this world. I couldn't speak at all during this time though. And shortly after I had this connection Cole came up behind me and started asking me about my trip again and kind of broke me out of my spell.
I had had to go to the bathroom for the longest time, but I kept on forgetting. So we stopped and they told me to go pee behind a tree, but when I went behind the tree I just leaned up against it and listened to the deafening silence and again I had that connection with the woods. It was almost heavy on my chest the feeling. I felt remorseful about something but also deeply encouraged. I felt for once like I had found a purpose and it was obvious, to be a part of that forest. It was a very long bathroom break and I forgot to go to the bathroom.
I came back out from behind the tree and Joanna was halfway up a mountain. They made me follow her up and we discovered the most perfect little mushroom. We didn't want to move it from its place though, so I brought it back down in my hands and I could have sworn I was holding the mushroom, but when I got back down the mountain I told Adam and Cole to look at the mushroom in my hands, but I wasn't holding anything. I smacked the palm of my hand because I could see it wasn't there, but I felt like I was still holding it.
The last attempt of me trying to connect with Adam happened after the mushroom incident. I still didn't feel like I could talk but I was reaching my hand out to him as he was walking so far ahead of me with Cole and I was SCREAMING his name in my head, but I just couldn't get it to come out! I just held my hand out and I felt so alone. I wanted him to come and connect with me and hold my hand and hug me and hold me, but he wouldn't turn around. It was the saddest I think I may have ever been. I felt like he was walking away from me for forever. It was breaking my heart that he didn't want me like I wanted him.
The car ride back to Bloom was strange too. Joanna and I were still seriously tripping, but Adam and Cole seemed to be fine. I kept on feeling like I was the one being ostracized from the group though. I hated it.
I still couldn't speak on the car ride back but I just wanted to yell to Adam to stop the car. I wanted to get out and just sit in a field and be left there. I felt like no one wanted me and I had no place in this car with these people, but I wasn't sad about it. I just wanted to find something else to appreciate me if those people wouldn't. I felt the like the world was calling me to leave these people and join it, whatever it was because it wanted me and it had a purpose for me. By the time we got back to Bloom I could kind of talk and handle myself.
When we got back Adam and Cole immediately wanted to go out and get crazy but I just wanted to think and be and discover. I sent them out to get burritos and was so relieved to finally be left alone with my tripping self. I danced in the mirror and touche my stomach and my hair. I kept staring at the wrinkles in my face. I wanted to know myself. I tried to clean my room but I couldn't focus.
I kept on wondering if there was a little acid in all of us always, because I could connect some feelings that I was having to moments of extreme euphoria when I wasn't tripping. Like the Jack concert, or the Felice Brothers concert. I don't know what happened that day, but I feel more in touch with myself.
Overall, I enjoyed my trip. The world is indeed a beautiful place to be and I was more in touch with it then ever. Everything was so vivid and beautiful. I will probably do it again, but it takes up a lot of time.
Oh, and the other thing I forgot to mention was I completely lost all concepts of time and the whole day occurred in moments. I kept on remembering moments. It was all pieced together, but then string connecting the events was thin and hard to find. It was a long, strange day, but I'm happy I did it.
I loved it.