Dear Adam

Hey,
So last night I think we had the most serious talk of our relationship ever, and I have never felt so confused about anything in my whole entire life. I thought that talking about things was supposed to clear things up, not make it worse.
I first of all want to say that how you've dealth with everything since I've come to school is absolutely perfect. I never could have made this work for this long with anyone else.
Long distance relationships honestly are so hard. I know it's not easy for you and it definitely isn't easy for me either, but the bottom line for me is that I know being with you is what I want. We've talked before about how neither of us like feeling vulnerable and I think that puts us in a really bad situtation.
I feel like sometimes I act like I don't care about you as much as I really do because I'm afraid of two things. First of all, I'm afraid to put myself out there like that because I know how easily you could just break me and I feel like if I just keep some of my feelings to myself I protect myself. The other thing that I think about is scaring you away. If I tell you exactly how I feel and you misinterpret it or don't feel the same way then where does that leave us?
Sometimes I think about how easy it would be if I just never allowed myself to feel this much for you. I would never have to worry about ever getting hurt or feeling distant or anything. For me though, the people that mean a lot to me in life mean everything to me and relationships and friendships and laughs with friends is what makes it all worth it, so I know it's all worth it with you.
Last night though when you saidf you were doubting long distance relationships, I kinda freaked out. I know I doubt it sometimes too and I hoenstly think it's normal. Of course we're gonna doubt it sometimes. We're barely ever together and we're both pretty independent people who do our own things and when we're so far away it really can be difficult to feel together and close. I think though if I take a step back from it all, I realize it all comes down to if our love is enough.
Honestly I think being at school has made me love you so much more, because I meet so many other guys that just don't even compare to you. So for me, our love is enough. I know it may not always and everyday isn't going to be perfect, but I still want it.
When I'm with you Adam, I seriously feel like the rest of the world doesn't even matter. When I don't see you for a couple weeks and then I feel your arms around me and I smell you and it feels right. You fit.
Last night after our conversation I was wondering if maybe we should break up so that you can make your decisions about school and what you want, but I don't feel like that is a legitimate decision at all. I want you to be happy though, and if you'd be happier without me then I don't want to hold you back from anything.
About you coming to Bloom, I almost feel like I'm encouraging you not to come here because I don't want you to "follow" me, but if the major here is what you want then I think you could be really happy here.
I don't know what I want from you really, or if I want anything from you. I just really want you to know that I still want this and I don't feel like our time is over. I just know that right now I want you.