Since I was born, I have always been told that I deserve a guy that will do anything for me. A guy that will treat me like a princess. A guy that will respect me. A guy that will want me. A guy that is perfect, basically. For the longest time, I thought I wanted this to, but suddenly, now that I'm faced with the opportunity of being with a guy that is all of these things, I can't seem to make up my mind.
His name is Adam Engel. At Maddi's party a couple weeks ago, we made out. I am/was talking to one of his best friends, Corey Elmer. Well, after Maddi's Adam has texted me basically nonstop. We went to the dance together this past weekend and I honestly had more fun with him than I have ever had with any date. He is so funny and probably one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. He opened all the doors and told me how beautiful I looked and was so proud to be walking next to me and seriously just made me feel like a princess. I don't like him.
I tried so hard to convince myself I did, just because he is so sweet I want to, but I just can't. So tonight I told him that I don't think that I could ever see him as more than a friend because he smokes a lot of pot and I really can't handle that. He proceeds to say that he would quit smoking in a minute for me and basically tells me that if he had me he wouldn't need to do that stuff anymore. He likes me so much.
Why does life have to be so cruel sometimes? I really wish I could like him. I hate hurting people! Why when people care about others can't they just both care about each other?! This one sided crap is killing us all. It's making us bitter, but the thing is is that someday I really do believe that Adam will find a girl who loves everything about him. I told him that I don't care what he does if we're just friends, but there are just some things I'm not willing to accept and I'm also not willing to ask him to change.
Is it weird I won't just ask him to change? I feel like being with Adam and not having him smoke would be like me being with a completely different person. =(
I got on facebook tonight and honestly like 10 out of 15 people's Facebook statuses are always something like, "hates haters," "hates bitches," "people should stop talking shit," "hates sluts," and all this other stuff. How the fuck can they say that when they are the people that turn around and just talk so much shit on others anyway? People are so fucking hypocritical. I can't handle it. Honestly. Then the other 5 Facebook statuses are like sentimental lyrics that say lame ass things like, "is doing this for me," "is not getting into drama anymore," and stuff that we all know will just never happen. Let's be honest with ourselves. Talking shit is what we do best. We're humans. We basically all have a little manipulative bitch in us, in some people, however, it's just more prominent.
I just am so sick of society right now. In sociology we are learning about how basically every decision we make, we're not making. Society is making it for us. It's the absolute truth. Who we date, where we go to school, what clothes we wear, and even what type of food we eat is all dictated by what others around us are doing. Stop and think about that for a second. The people that we read about in our history books and admire as the pioneers of new social ideas or inventors of a life-changing thing are the people that dared to go beyond their sociological boundaries. Martin Luther King Jr. didn't fight for African American rights because society was looking for it. The majority of society wasn't even ready for that type of leader, but he did it because he truly believed in equality and the power of a cohesive people.
We stand here so divided. We are divided by words, by lies, and even by some truths, but we're all people. We all breathe the same air and share the same sky. Let it be. Let that rumor you just heard be. Let the thought you just had stay in your mind. Let the negative comments be. Let the sarcasm be. Let the cruelty be. Let the arrogance be. We're all people, and well just need to let it be.
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