"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you may become..."

I had dinner with Emily last night. Our friendship is one of those that is timeless. No matter how long we go without talking, I know we can pick back up and every time it will just be the same. We understand each other so well, it just works. I definitely couldn't tell her everything that had been going on with me lately, but I still feel like she understands me.
My parents are starting on April 16. Natalie is moving out at the end of March. I am done with high school on June 10th. I start college in August. Jessica is moving to San Francisco in September. All my life is changing. I kind of hand a panic attack for the first time in my life the other day. Where am I heading? How do I plan on getting there? Who am I?
These questions are inevitable I guess as you grow up. Nothing can replace the memories you have and the moments you seize, but I just don't want to reach a point in my life where I look around and realize that nothing that I have is what I wanted?
So, what do I want?
I want memories. I want laughs. I want love. I want experiences. I want wisdom. I want conversations so good that you get goosebumps. I want something real. I don't want the monotony that Henri Lefebvre describes in Criticism of Life. I want to feel like I'm worth something, to someone. I just always want to feel alive. I never want to dull my feelings. I want to experience things to the full extent. Euphoric joy.
So, where am I heading?
Shortly, I'll be heading to college. I'm not completely sure if that is what I want. I feel like there is a lot of pressure for me to go, because I've always been the diligent pupil that works hard in school, but who puts the value on school? Society. Do I really care? I just imagine Dan backpacking around New Zealand and I get so jealous I feel like I could throw up. I just want to do something real.
If I do go to college though, I feel like I could work hard during the year and save money and still have amazing trips during the summer. If I plan and save accordingly hopefully I will always be able to go places and see things and be experiencing new things.
So, who am I?
I am a girl, I'm definitely not a woman yet. I am a student. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a runner. I am a guitar player. I am a cook. I am a reader. I am me, but most of all, I am a friend. I truly do believe 100% that relationships are where the meaning of life can be found. No matter how many degrees you have, no matter how many cars you have, no matter how many trips you have gone on, and no matter how many fabulous sunsets you've seen, if you can't share these memories with people, then what are they really worth? Keeping it all to yourself. Working so hard for a goal that society deems as pivotal. For what? So that you can be a status symbol? I'll take my friendships any day over that.