Education can be such a rewarding thing, if taught correctly. This year has definitely been the worst school year of my life thus far. I cannot stand my teachers and the classes are so inapplicable it’s infuriating! I sit through these excruciatingly painful classes without feeling stimulated or intrigued or anything for that matter. There are a couple arguments that I am particularly struggling with.
1) Teachers teach us absolute shit that will never apply to anything, but they try to convince us regularly that we’ll be able to apply in everyday life! E.g. in trig today we learned about sin curves. What the fuck our sin curves you might be wondering? Well that’s exactly my question. I’ve never heard any adult in my life, before Mr. Harman said it today, mention having to use the sin curve to solve any real life problems. If you want to teach me about numbers Mr. Harman tell me something that I can get worked up about! Tell me how exactly taxes are applied to everyday citizens. Tell me how we’re getting the money to fund this $700 billion dollar relief bill that quite frankly won’t do shit! Teach me something that I care about!
2) I’m so incredibly fed up with teachers talking about how we’ll need it to get into college and how the SAT’s are so important. Says who? Who puts so much pressure on these tests that are supposed to measure our brains? Our whole educational system is based on comparing you to the kids around you. Well guess what? I’m sick of it. Stop comparing me! Stop telling me to live up to the standards that everyone else has set! I’m sick of these barriers being set. After high school, you go to college. After college, you get a job in the real world. Well what’s so real about it? I just can’t help feeling so insignificant and menial in this huge agenda. If the educational system was more personalized I think we could see a lot greater talent coming out of our schools and our youth.
3) High school is seriously the worst idea ever. Who came up with this idea to cram 1,000 kids in a fluorescent container for seven hours a day? That’s not a learning environment! I can’t stand it! I sit in these horribly dirty chairs sharing who knows how many types of bacteria with the person who sat there before me. Then I sit. Then I listen, listen, listen all day long. I’m sick of listening. Open up a discussion every once and awhile! Loosen up the reins on your class! We need to develop our own ideas and our own opinions and not just have your ideas shoved down our throats. Mrs. Boor is one of those teachers that thinks she is so revolutionary and open minded and developing a better tomorrow for education when really she is just like every other shitty teacher in this school. She doesn’t give a shit about what you have to say.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you may become..."
I had dinner with Emily last night. Our friendship is one of those that is timeless. No matter how long we go without talking, I know we can pick back up and every time it will just be the same. We understand each other so well, it just works. I definitely couldn't tell her everything that had been going on with me lately, but I still feel like she understands me.
My parents are starting on April 16. Natalie is moving out at the end of March. I am done with high school on June 10th. I start college in August. Jessica is moving to San Francisco in September. All my life is changing. I kind of hand a panic attack for the first time in my life the other day. Where am I heading? How do I plan on getting there? Who am I?
These questions are inevitable I guess as you grow up. Nothing can replace the memories you have and the moments you seize, but I just don't want to reach a point in my life where I look around and realize that nothing that I have is what I wanted?
So, what do I want?
I want memories. I want laughs. I want love. I want experiences. I want wisdom. I want conversations so good that you get goosebumps. I want something real. I don't want the monotony that Henri Lefebvre describes in Criticism of Life. I want to feel like I'm worth something, to someone. I just always want to feel alive. I never want to dull my feelings. I want to experience things to the full extent. Euphoric joy.
So, where am I heading?
Shortly, I'll be heading to college. I'm not completely sure if that is what I want. I feel like there is a lot of pressure for me to go, because I've always been the diligent pupil that works hard in school, but who puts the value on school? Society. Do I really care? I just imagine Dan backpacking around New Zealand and I get so jealous I feel like I could throw up. I just want to do something real.
If I do go to college though, I feel like I could work hard during the year and save money and still have amazing trips during the summer. If I plan and save accordingly hopefully I will always be able to go places and see things and be experiencing new things.
So, who am I?
I am a girl, I'm definitely not a woman yet. I am a student. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a runner. I am a guitar player. I am a cook. I am a reader. I am me, but most of all, I am a friend. I truly do believe 100% that relationships are where the meaning of life can be found. No matter how many degrees you have, no matter how many cars you have, no matter how many trips you have gone on, and no matter how many fabulous sunsets you've seen, if you can't share these memories with people, then what are they really worth? Keeping it all to yourself. Working so hard for a goal that society deems as pivotal. For what? So that you can be a status symbol? I'll take my friendships any day over that.
My parents are starting on April 16. Natalie is moving out at the end of March. I am done with high school on June 10th. I start college in August. Jessica is moving to San Francisco in September. All my life is changing. I kind of hand a panic attack for the first time in my life the other day. Where am I heading? How do I plan on getting there? Who am I?
These questions are inevitable I guess as you grow up. Nothing can replace the memories you have and the moments you seize, but I just don't want to reach a point in my life where I look around and realize that nothing that I have is what I wanted?
So, what do I want?
I want memories. I want laughs. I want love. I want experiences. I want wisdom. I want conversations so good that you get goosebumps. I want something real. I don't want the monotony that Henri Lefebvre describes in Criticism of Life. I want to feel like I'm worth something, to someone. I just always want to feel alive. I never want to dull my feelings. I want to experience things to the full extent. Euphoric joy.
So, where am I heading?
Shortly, I'll be heading to college. I'm not completely sure if that is what I want. I feel like there is a lot of pressure for me to go, because I've always been the diligent pupil that works hard in school, but who puts the value on school? Society. Do I really care? I just imagine Dan backpacking around New Zealand and I get so jealous I feel like I could throw up. I just want to do something real.
If I do go to college though, I feel like I could work hard during the year and save money and still have amazing trips during the summer. If I plan and save accordingly hopefully I will always be able to go places and see things and be experiencing new things.
So, who am I?
I am a girl, I'm definitely not a woman yet. I am a student. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a runner. I am a guitar player. I am a cook. I am a reader. I am me, but most of all, I am a friend. I truly do believe 100% that relationships are where the meaning of life can be found. No matter how many degrees you have, no matter how many cars you have, no matter how many trips you have gone on, and no matter how many fabulous sunsets you've seen, if you can't share these memories with people, then what are they really worth? Keeping it all to yourself. Working so hard for a goal that society deems as pivotal. For what? So that you can be a status symbol? I'll take my friendships any day over that.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Decisions that make my brain hurt...
Since I was born, I have always been told that I deserve a guy that will do anything for me. A guy that will treat me like a princess. A guy that will respect me. A guy that will want me. A guy that is perfect, basically. For the longest time, I thought I wanted this to, but suddenly, now that I'm faced with the opportunity of being with a guy that is all of these things, I can't seem to make up my mind.
His name is Adam Engel. At Maddi's party a couple weeks ago, we made out. I am/was talking to one of his best friends, Corey Elmer. Well, after Maddi's Adam has texted me basically nonstop. We went to the dance together this past weekend and I honestly had more fun with him than I have ever had with any date. He is so funny and probably one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. He opened all the doors and told me how beautiful I looked and was so proud to be walking next to me and seriously just made me feel like a princess. I don't like him.
I tried so hard to convince myself I did, just because he is so sweet I want to, but I just can't. So tonight I told him that I don't think that I could ever see him as more than a friend because he smokes a lot of pot and I really can't handle that. He proceeds to say that he would quit smoking in a minute for me and basically tells me that if he had me he wouldn't need to do that stuff anymore. He likes me so much.
Why does life have to be so cruel sometimes? I really wish I could like him. I hate hurting people! Why when people care about others can't they just both care about each other?! This one sided crap is killing us all. It's making us bitter, but the thing is is that someday I really do believe that Adam will find a girl who loves everything about him. I told him that I don't care what he does if we're just friends, but there are just some things I'm not willing to accept and I'm also not willing to ask him to change.
Is it weird I won't just ask him to change? I feel like being with Adam and not having him smoke would be like me being with a completely different person. =(
I got on facebook tonight and honestly like 10 out of 15 people's Facebook statuses are always something like, "hates haters," "hates bitches," "people should stop talking shit," "hates sluts," and all this other stuff. How the fuck can they say that when they are the people that turn around and just talk so much shit on others anyway? People are so fucking hypocritical. I can't handle it. Honestly. Then the other 5 Facebook statuses are like sentimental lyrics that say lame ass things like, "is doing this for me," "is not getting into drama anymore," and stuff that we all know will just never happen. Let's be honest with ourselves. Talking shit is what we do best. We're humans. We basically all have a little manipulative bitch in us, in some people, however, it's just more prominent.
I just am so sick of society right now. In sociology we are learning about how basically every decision we make, we're not making. Society is making it for us. It's the absolute truth. Who we date, where we go to school, what clothes we wear, and even what type of food we eat is all dictated by what others around us are doing. Stop and think about that for a second. The people that we read about in our history books and admire as the pioneers of new social ideas or inventors of a life-changing thing are the people that dared to go beyond their sociological boundaries. Martin Luther King Jr. didn't fight for African American rights because society was looking for it. The majority of society wasn't even ready for that type of leader, but he did it because he truly believed in equality and the power of a cohesive people.
We stand here so divided. We are divided by words, by lies, and even by some truths, but we're all people. We all breathe the same air and share the same sky. Let it be. Let that rumor you just heard be. Let the thought you just had stay in your mind. Let the negative comments be. Let the sarcasm be. Let the cruelty be. Let the arrogance be. We're all people, and well just need to let it be.
His name is Adam Engel. At Maddi's party a couple weeks ago, we made out. I am/was talking to one of his best friends, Corey Elmer. Well, after Maddi's Adam has texted me basically nonstop. We went to the dance together this past weekend and I honestly had more fun with him than I have ever had with any date. He is so funny and probably one of the sweetest guys I've ever met. He opened all the doors and told me how beautiful I looked and was so proud to be walking next to me and seriously just made me feel like a princess. I don't like him.
I tried so hard to convince myself I did, just because he is so sweet I want to, but I just can't. So tonight I told him that I don't think that I could ever see him as more than a friend because he smokes a lot of pot and I really can't handle that. He proceeds to say that he would quit smoking in a minute for me and basically tells me that if he had me he wouldn't need to do that stuff anymore. He likes me so much.
Why does life have to be so cruel sometimes? I really wish I could like him. I hate hurting people! Why when people care about others can't they just both care about each other?! This one sided crap is killing us all. It's making us bitter, but the thing is is that someday I really do believe that Adam will find a girl who loves everything about him. I told him that I don't care what he does if we're just friends, but there are just some things I'm not willing to accept and I'm also not willing to ask him to change.
Is it weird I won't just ask him to change? I feel like being with Adam and not having him smoke would be like me being with a completely different person. =(
I got on facebook tonight and honestly like 10 out of 15 people's Facebook statuses are always something like, "hates haters," "hates bitches," "people should stop talking shit," "hates sluts," and all this other stuff. How the fuck can they say that when they are the people that turn around and just talk so much shit on others anyway? People are so fucking hypocritical. I can't handle it. Honestly. Then the other 5 Facebook statuses are like sentimental lyrics that say lame ass things like, "is doing this for me," "is not getting into drama anymore," and stuff that we all know will just never happen. Let's be honest with ourselves. Talking shit is what we do best. We're humans. We basically all have a little manipulative bitch in us, in some people, however, it's just more prominent.
I just am so sick of society right now. In sociology we are learning about how basically every decision we make, we're not making. Society is making it for us. It's the absolute truth. Who we date, where we go to school, what clothes we wear, and even what type of food we eat is all dictated by what others around us are doing. Stop and think about that for a second. The people that we read about in our history books and admire as the pioneers of new social ideas or inventors of a life-changing thing are the people that dared to go beyond their sociological boundaries. Martin Luther King Jr. didn't fight for African American rights because society was looking for it. The majority of society wasn't even ready for that type of leader, but he did it because he truly believed in equality and the power of a cohesive people.
We stand here so divided. We are divided by words, by lies, and even by some truths, but we're all people. We all breathe the same air and share the same sky. Let it be. Let that rumor you just heard be. Let the thought you just had stay in your mind. Let the negative comments be. Let the sarcasm be. Let the cruelty be. Let the arrogance be. We're all people, and well just need to let it be.
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